Amara is going through a real separation anxiety phase right now. I think some of it is the "twos" but I think it also has to do with a couple of other things: 1. Mom's sorrow and guilt for not being able to be home with her more and 2. we're talking about adoption #2. On the latter, I think it's really bringing, to the forefront, the reality of Amara's own story, the fact that her birthmom left her and, frankly, that I might. She's a very smart girl and I think it's all coming together. Our social worker (from our homestudy agency) has been a great resource to provide some good tips on ways to help. I'll list them below as I think they could help others, too. Regardless of where your child is in the cycle, these are great things to do:
* You're always in my heart and I'm always in yours: We have this great book called, "In My Heart". It talks about how, when mom goes to work, no matter what is going on in her day, her daughter is always in her heart. It talks about the reverse, as well. How Mom, Dad, doggies, are all in the daughter's heart, no matter what she's doing in the day. So, we talk about that a lot when Amara is feeling sad and clinging to me like I'm going to melt away. It helps.
* Laminated photo: When Amara is at school, she can have a laminated photo of me in her cubby or pocket. Whenever she's feeling sad or wants to "see" me, she can take it out and kiss it. Sweet.
* I will always be here: My intention is to always be with Amara. So, talking about milestones in life, and how I'll be there to share them with her, is also great. Time is abstract right now but talking about how I'll be there when she starts in the new preschool classroom, or when she goes to college or gets married or has a baby...they may all seem long-term but it helps show that mama is here forever. I tried this last night and she seemed to like that conversation.
* For the next adoption, in addition to talking about it now (via books, etc.), once we have the photo, we talk about how Amara will love baby sister, how Mama will love baby sister, Papa too, how Mama will love Amara, Papa will love Amara, how we'll now be a family of four. It's getting her used to the idea that Mama and Papa will love baby #2 but so will she. We'll kiss that photo a lot too. It's setting the stage for how we'll all love and share when our family expands.
I love these ideas and, I have to say, her advice is always spot on. We're lucky to have her.
Anyway, on to fun stuff....
We got to meet some long-time internet friends last weekend, at the beach. We met M3 when we originally started our adoption process with China. Then, she adopted twins from China and we have not seen her since. Ya, her life got a little crazy. So, it was catch up time and an opportunity for her girls, Ro and Ree, to meet Amara. And what fun they had! Check out the photos below. You can also see a few cuties on her blog as well:
Finally, a few photos from the past couple of months. Random but cute. How Amara is growing!
No news on the adoption front right now but, as you can see from the ticker, we're pretty close to a potential referral. (4-6 month wait.) So, who knows, maybe you'll see an exciting post sometime soon.
Happy Fall everyone!
-jen
3 comments:
I suffered as a child because my mother was home for 8 years before going back to work when I was 5. She used to spray a little of her perfume on my wrist and then tell me to smell her when I am thinking of her - that way it was like she was there with me. Another thing, she let me wear a "special" brooch which was real tacky and she secretly hated and whenever I wore the brooch I could know she was with me.
Just a couple more ideas.....
Had such a great time with you guys!! Hope to see you again soon. (And CANNOT wait for the "we've got news!" post.)
Hope you get your referral soon!
:-D My husband and I are so close to being on the Dove waitlist. Can't wait! :-D
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